Here's a shocking surprise. I didn't realise that i had created a poem in malay. So enjoy the past:

Labels: ver.3

Another piece from the past :

Labels: ver.2

While i was browsing through my love letters from 5 years ago, i stumbled upon poems that i did way back in the past.. So im posting it here for u guys to enjoy :

Labels: ver.1

Here's a new piece inspired to me by someone :)

Labels: Wishes

Here i am, smiling at the thought of something. I'm trying to put some hope into this because i feel that it could work out somehow.

Life has been alright for me. Still struggling on with life. Thinking of why im acting this way. This aint how i was back in the old days.

I promise i'll try my best to pull through from my depressions, my obsessions, my delusions. Once im through with this phase, i can then show the world that im finally happy.

25th of Feb has been a very meaningful day. Knowing that i got friends i can count on. People who will be there for me. It takes me a long time to trust people and these people have really gained mine.

I can't help but think. I hope this will work out somehow. To set the pace back in my life :)

Labels: Im thinking now

Lets talk on a topic that touches our minds.

Can we really see who loves us or who is pretending to love us. Can we really know whether someones feelings is true or just a facade. Can we really change someones heart for the sake of our own happiness. Can we ?

Girls who have boyfriends tend to have mixed emotions over someone who knows how to manipulate their desires. I'm one of them. To date, i've made out with girls that are either attached to someone for quite some time or with girls that pretend that they are single.

Why do girls such as them exist? Is the purpose solely for guys like me to satisfy our needs or is there a deeper secret behind it? I've been stabbed by my own partner who goes out with other guys,does things with other guys and yet tell me that they love me?

What type of game are they playing. I mean a r/s is to love and care for ur own partner, their families and their friends. Not to toy around with other people while saying sweet nothings to ur own partner.

If girls tend to say that guys are the only being capable of deceiving girls, then i must say ur terribly wrong. Girls too have that kind of thinking. Some girls dont receive that same attention that they want from their bf, so they find others but still they stick to their worthless bf for i dont know what reasons.

Can we truly see what lies behind the words people actually say to us. If people were more open about their feelings then i dont think this kind of misunderstanding would even occur at all. I've learned from my past mistakes. We shouldn't blame our partners for lying to us. We should actually understand the reasons for their actions.

However, if our partners are not yet frank enough to tell us the truth, to tell us what we dont have that others have. Then i think this whole cycle of breaking up and playing timers will continue..

Here's another poem i created :

Labels: End~

Here i am, sitting down fully awake. Life hasnt been a pretty easy ride for me. I cant seem to understand what the matter is wrong with me. Am i being judged because of all the wrong things ive done in the past?

Here i am,sitting down fully awake. Sweat dripping from my lifeless form. Smoke filling up my lungs, taking 7 mins away from my time. Nightmares is all ive been having. Nightmares after nightmares, as if its a chain.

Here i am, sitting down fully awake. My mind distorted. My breathing irregular. My whole existence being questioned. Am i suppose to be in this world? What is my purpose? What is my drive? Am i to bring joy to others or am i to bring misfortune to humanity?

Here i am, sitting down fully awake. My body battered beyond recognition. My eyes deceiving me. My mind's telling me. End this all! Wake up from this nightmare. Spread my wings and emerge from this misery. Enter into the world where i see myself as a normal being. Where everything i do seems perfectly normal. Where delusions are capable of becoming real. Where life and death is just a thing of the past. Where man can indulge in their very own fantasies.

Here i am, sitting down fully awake. Breathing out the last remainder of my smoke. Stubbing out the remainder of my ciggarette. Wishing that all of this was a dream. Wishing that life wouldnt be this harsh on me. Wishing that there was a way for me to enjoy my life without worries. Where i can drown in my own sins. Im in love with my thoughts. My thoughts of red, of blood, of things inanimate. How would u feel if u had the power to control lives. To dictate events as if it was a blank page and ur the author. How would it feel??

Labels: Load a gun and swallow the lead~

Have u ever had that moment, when u thought that life couldn't get any harder.
Out of the sudden, things start to crumble. Breaking your soul into pieces. Well, i've had my fair share of that moment. I will go through this struggle.

Here's a new piece that i just did because i wanted to tell others what i am going through :

Life is always full of surprises, be it big or small. The flow of life has come to a standstill for me. Life has no more to offer me as things have started to turn really dull. There's no more excitement and nothing to look forward to other then the next morning.

The rising/setting of the sun makes no difference to me. Be it bright/dark, all this aspects of life has no purpose for me. All i do now is just sleep really late in the night, like 6am , and wake up at around 6pm in the evening. This is my daily schedule.

I must admit 09' has brought me new problems, difficulties that i have never encountered before. Illnesses that i have never thought would actually occur in me. To date, i have two records with IMH. First is regarding my Anger Management and second is regarding my Depression.

I never expected a guy like me who used to be soo care-free and "happy-go-lucky" to be actually hit with depressions. Pray hard that u wont end up in the same state as me.

But in this early February now, my problems seem to be fading away bit by bit. Those dark clouds seem to be disappearing. But still, i cant see the rainbow. The rainbow that was once brightly decorated with magnificent colours have now become dull.

Relationship wise, i dont think i'll ever be in a r/s any time soon. I'm not making any moves on girls and up to now, i dont think that i got any special feelings towards anyone. Hopefully my heart does not stone up.

Till then...

Labels: Born to love~

Chen Kaile
A year older every 8th April
Loves orange
Finding that special someone
Oh well, that's life

Asmirah Azylla Azreen
Delphia Angelene Phyllis Kade Hidayah Ikah nanii twinnie nana tan Anna Zal Atiqah Fithria Bella