Point Blank
Monday, December 22, 2008, 10:13 PM
Today, went to work as usual. Thought that i was done with front office but suddenly i got called down to help out there cause one of the staff was on MC. What a joke..I mean i was sweating from doing housekeeping and i had to wear on my hotel jacket. Eee,what a joke it was. To make matters worst, 5mins into doing my work i started sneezing and my nose was suddenly unplugged. I mean water was literally dripping down like a fault faucet. DARN~
After like an hour or so, i went back up.. Did the usual housekeeping stuff and well throughout the whole cleaning process, i really felt groggy and like i was going to die.
What's happening to me?? I feel as though im becoming more and more unwell,sick,retarded,lame and *insert whatever word u want to say*.
It's like as though life has no more meaning for me. Wake up, work, sleep. This are like the three main things that i always do. I can't even get a decent day of slacking or catching up with friends without my mind constatly thinking about work. Argh~
People often say : "Too much work and no play makes jack a dull boy"
Well, i really think i'm becoming jack.. Not jack and the beanstalk but jack the retardo. My brain's getting all retarded. I'm like thinking of weird things,weird ways of doing things. It's like there's a voice in my head telling me to do stuff that i shouldnt be doing. Like overdosing on my pills in my room. Imagine this, I got around 6 small plastic bags of medicines in my room from my visit to the polyclinic. That's how sick im becoming.
Life without a girlfriend, to simply put it in one word : PAINFUL
In malay, i can say that "Aku sudah hilang tempat bermanja"
I got no one to talk to in the night time,no one to fill up my inbox,no one to spend my money and time on. Totally zilch, like im totally frigging bored to the max now without anyone by my side. Finding a girl to close that big hole in my heart seems harder then expected. I don't deny being a flirt or casanova in the pass, but here i am now being a nice/good guy.. And im finding it soo frigging difficult to find even the most basic type of girl.. What in the world is really going on with me.
See this post right now people. This is like the longest post im ever typing. Im writing everything that comes into my mind at this moment. I want to cry :(
But the F***ed up thing is that i can't cry..I sorta forgot how to cry normally. When i was a kid my parents told me that i didn't even cry. What sorta child hood did i have if i didn't even cry??
Im beginning to think that all of this thats happening to me is just a dream. Im dreaming that all this mishaps are happening to me. But everytime i open my eyes, things don't change. They just coincidentally keeps coming and gets worser everytime. I'm feeling like i'm not even an existing person. Im just some fabrication in the universe. Someone who shouldn't have been born. Someone who is to bear the boon of being a loser throughout his life. Life's making a mockery out of me now. People are mocking me when im not looking. I fell totally unappreciated. Not totally, cause i know they are people out they who appreciate what i've done for them..But majority of them despise me for who i was and for who i am now.
IM A LONER, destined to live my life alone.. A slave for time, no freedom, no enjoyment, no nothing shit..
Am i suffering from depression now?? Cause im feeling really low when i got nothing to do, i feel weird everytime im left alone in my room. Should i go consult someone about this?? I already have a record for being too aggresive..I've been to IMH for anger management. Dont tell me i have to go back there again to seek help for depression now?
What the frigging shit is going on with me man??????
I'm suppose to get PAS A for NS but when i spoke of my anger management at IMH, the doctor gave a long "hmmmm" and withouht hesitation, he said PAS B.. What u trying to mean dude?? That im not fit for PAS A?? That i could be a menace to people during my NS??
Alright, i really got nothing more to say now,imma just go and smoke a stick.. Relaxs myself abit and maybe, hopefully die a terrible death.Labels: I got shot
